It has been a tough couple of weeks, really I've just been dreading the month of March all together. I was really worried how I was going to react to facing a date that should have been one of the happiest days in my life. But instead, March 15th is just a reminder to me that we should have been welcoming our first born into this world around this time. I'm not going to lie. It's been really hard to swallow. Especially because I thought I would be pregnant again by this date and that it would some how eased the pain. I think either way it would have been hard I guess. Angie Smith wrote a great post the other day that really expresses a lot of how I've been feeling lately. Her words minister to me so much. Check it out here.
I've talked about before how miscarriage can be a silent burden that many people carry. Whether people are open about it or not it will always be extremely hard when the due date arrives and you have no baby to show for it. I think people around you move on and forget that the due date will bring back all those emotions for you. It's nobodies fault and I don't expect people to remember. But I wanted to do something so that the date didn't pass without honoring the memory of our baby. Ryan & I wanted our baby to still have an impact on this world and that he/she will not be forgotten. We prayed about it and discussed many different options. I loved the idea of planting something so we can watch it grow each year but decided since we move a lot that might not be the best idea. We still might plant a certain flower at each home we have in the future to have a physical reminder of our baby. Ultimately, we decided that the biggest impact we could make would be to donate some money in memory of our baby. We decided on St. Jude Research Hospital that helps so many children and their family's get through life threatening diseases. We personally know of people that have been helped by this amazing hospital. The incredible thing is that the families will never see a bill for the life saving treatments done for their children. I read somewhere that it costs 1.7 million dollars a day to run that hospital! I know that what we gave was just a tiny drop in the bucket but I'd like to think that every little bit helps. I think it may be a tradition now to donate money every year in honor of our baby to either St. Jude or something similar. It has really helped me feel at peace knowing that we can physically do something for our child in heaven. Our little angel will never be forgotten. Thank you to everybody that has been there for us and helped us through this difficult time in our lives. I can't imagine where would we be without your support, loving words and prayers. We are so blessed!!