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Thursday, March 15, 2012

We Will Never Forget

It has been a tough couple of weeks, really I've just been dreading the month of March all together.  I was really worried how I was going to react to facing a date that should have been one of the happiest days in my life.  But instead, March 15th is just a reminder to me that we should have been welcoming our first born into this world around this time.  I'm not going to lie.  It's been really hard to swallow.  Especially because I thought I would be pregnant again by this date and that it would some how eased the pain.  I think either way it would have been hard I guess.  Angie Smith wrote a great post the other day that really expresses a lot of how I've been feeling lately.  Her words minister to me so much.  Check it out here.

I've talked about before how miscarriage can be a silent burden that many people carry.  Whether people are open about it or not it will always be extremely hard when the due date arrives and you have no baby to show for it.  I think people around you move on and forget that the due date will bring back all those emotions for you.  It's nobodies fault and I don't expect people to remember.  But I wanted to do something so that the date didn't pass without honoring the memory of our baby.  Ryan & I wanted our baby to still have an impact on this world and that he/she will not be forgotten.  We prayed about it and discussed many different options.  I loved the idea of planting something so we can watch it grow each year but decided since we move a lot that might not be the best idea.  We still might plant a certain flower at each home we have in the future to have a physical reminder of our baby.  Ultimately, we decided that the biggest impact we could make would be to donate some money in memory of our baby.  We decided on St. Jude Research Hospital that helps so many children and their family's get through life threatening diseases.  We personally know of people that have been helped by this amazing hospital.  The incredible thing is that the families will never see a bill for the life saving treatments done for their children.  I read somewhere that it costs 1.7 million dollars a day to run that hospital!  I know that what we gave was just a tiny drop in the bucket but I'd like to think that every little bit helps.  I think it may be a tradition now to donate money every year in honor of our baby to either St. Jude or something similar.  It has really helped me feel at peace knowing that we can physically do something for our child in heaven.  Our little angel will never be forgotten.  Thank you to everybody that has been there for us and helped us through this difficult time in our lives.  I can't imagine where would we be without your support, loving words and prayers.  We are so blessed!!

The only picture we have from when I was pregnant.  It was the day we found out.



8 comments:

  1. Love you, sweet girl.  I think the donation to St. Jude's is a wonderful idea, and I think it's big of you to choose an organization like that in this scenario.  Any baby will be the luckiest ever to have you and Ryan for parents.  I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, and throughout this month and hoping you are blessed again very very soon. :)

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  2. I've been thinking about you lately...I knew your due date was coming up. I had two good friends lose babies about the same time you did and both are having a hard time -  you're not alone in that! I love that you decided to do something to honor your sweet babe!  I'll keep that in mind once October comes around. We just lost baby #2 two weeks ago tomorrow.  It's tough - and I just wanted you to know that I was thankful for your story as I started grieving. You were one of the people I thought about when I was in the hospital.  Will be praying for you and Ryan. :)

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  3. Love you guys! Thanks for sharing with us. I thought the date was coming up soon. Praying over you all and the Lord will continue to use your sweet family to bless those around. May His loving arms surround and hold you.

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  4. What a beautiful gift you have given in honor of your sweet baby. St. Jude's is such an amazing hospital and helps so many kiddos. What a day of rejoicing it will be when you meet your baby in heaven and are again reunited. My heart and prayers go out to you, friend.

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  5. I feel your pain.  I have had 3 miscarriages...no babies.  I can tell you, living with it gets easier, but the hallmark dates stay just as hard, which is kind of a gift.  I remember every date I found out, every due date, and every miscarriage date.  I am very open about mine and I think it makes it easier.  I have a tattoo with all of their zodiac signs woven together, and I have a pendant from Etsy that is a miscarriage memorial.  Another thing that helps is a poem of sorts that someone sent me.  It's on my blog, in the right hand column.  I think you should read it...it really puts what you feel into words.

    http://chroniclesofanindependentspinster.blogspot.com

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  6. Visiting from Kelly's Korner. Like you, I wasn't pregnant again by my due date...or even my baby's first birthday. Those are hard days. Prayers for you.

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  7. My sweet friend.  You have been on my mind lately.  I knew your date was coming, as mine is coming on the 29th.  It's amazing how raw the due date makes you feel.  I'm so happy that you have found a way to give in your beautiful angel's name.  I pray you are able to conceive very soon and carry that baby through a happy and health pregnancy.  I love you my friend.  Thank you for sharing!

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  8. Found your blog from Kelly's Korner (I'm #77), and thought I'd let you know how great I thought the donation was. That was how we decided to honor our first child with as well. Our first child was an ectopic and I had to have surgery. I was about 10 weeks along. We searched on Compassion International for a child that had a July 19th birthdate (our would-have-been due date with Grace) and we now sponsor a great kid named Enoch monthly. Our first IVF failed, but we're still fighting! Keep blogging!

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